why?

talking to a (liked) one today. i was asked, “what do you write about? are you telling people things, educating them, or what?” she knows me, has heard me talk, a lot, and i understood the question. why? i answer, “why not?”

it’s a place for me to be me, say what i want, post what i want. i do that most other places. i’m not shy. i talk. i say what’s on my mind. i partake in many talks, chats, texts, posts, discussions, and arguments. i tend to say way more than needed. yeah, i can talk. i also use my words. as a weapon. i fight verbally. anyone can punch you. that takes zero skill. to verbally knockout an argument, that’s a skill. i find i’m quite skilled in that area. sure, there will always be a better person, and i invite the joust, but in my world, i tend to be the champ. not a brag, nor am i sure it even should be. i write, i talk, i say things, and in that, i find an artistic completion. coupled with other art forms, it’s what i do. photo’s, surfing, skateboarding, singing, doing things myself, for myself, and if it pleases them, others. it’s not for everyone. i’m not for everyone. even those i am closest to usually find the moments that i am being challenging as, well, challenging. i’m not easy. this is not a user friendly person typing this. i dislike most people. i also want a crowd when i want a crowd, and audience when i want an audience. and to be alone when i want to be alone. that is most of the time. i have tremendous people skills. no one has better people skills that i do. unless i don’t want to be around people. i’m selfish. i know what i want. i love what i have. i’ll give what i want when i want to give it. i would love to give more than i take. that’s a goal. really.

i was given many things in life. some were things. things are just that. they go away. quickly, slowly, they all go away. that’s fine. i’m not too attached. some things i have had given to me were lessons. the gift of knowing that fame is fleeting, and to be careful what you wish for, are two of the best. that kind of gift doesn’t go away. i remember all of the bad shit that came from wanting to be on tv. i know what happens when you wish for something so badly, but you just don’t fully realize what that means. it means that it usually ends badly.

there is good, as well. people are a gift. they give of themselves, to you. that is a gift. it’s not always a guarantee. we don’t always get what we want. not everyone gets what they deserve. people are precious. i give. i give myself to other people. some people like the gift. some love it. others are not so accepting. again, that’s all okay. sometimes.

this entire post was to answer the question of why i do this. it’s run its course. i’m off track now, and there seems to be no way back to that original intention. i love people. i hate people. i want to be alone, and i want to be loved. i give and i take and i’m never sure what’s going to happen. you never know.

that’s the answer.

you never know.

nye.