i hear this a lot. “you’re so negative.” “why are you so angry?”
well, that’s just like, your opinion, man.
look around. if you’re a bright flower of positivity, cool. i can be. i positively know that shit stinks right now. i’m positive that i’m not angry all the time, but i choose to celebrate privately. when i’m not too happy with something, you’ll probably hear about it. i’ve never been one to hold back a remark, an idea, a thought, or a word. i fight with words. well. very well. i may not even be right, but i will win. it’s a bad part of me. i’m a very anti social extrovert. you can only pay attention to me when i want you to. i am not a fan of crowds, but if there aren’t people at the gig, i’m unhappy. if there are too many people surfing (like one other person) i’m bummed. freeways, forget it. the mall. nope. alone on a highway at 3am. perfect. no one in sight at the beach. the best thing possible. not enough seats at my daughters play. good. i am a dick. i’m an asshole. disagree? i proved my point. i love fiercely. i am loyal. i am a friend. i have love. some people don’t want to hear that. i have compassion and empathy for a lot of people, but at the same time, i’m a condescending shit talking arrogant prick. i know. i know. a contradiction. that’s what i am. i wish i was consistent. i would like to be more agreeable, sometimes. there are times i think that every single person i know is a complete fucking idiot. except for those who aren’t. can you understand that? do most people feel that way? there are also times where everything is pretty fucking good, and i am not bothered by any little thing. there are times i take pictures of flowers, and solitary waves, and sunsets. there are times i sing about murder and death and disease. there are those amazing moments when i love someone so much it’s almost scary. so, i’m really just a fearful man, afraid, scared, and i don’t want to die. not today. not today.
sardonic awareness 